Confusion.

Soo, i've mentioned how undescribably happy i am with my boyfriend right? How absolutely amazing he is and how he makes me feel like im on cloud 9.

But here's my dilema,
i'm a realist. i don't believe things last forever. and i know high school romances are just that, immature and young and not very well thought out. Even those who think they love each other to hell and back don't make it. I know this all, i preached it hundreds of times to my friends who thought they were in love (with losers no less). But now, i'm in the situation. My heart tells me, this is real. This is love. This is what i've wanted for forever. This is the man who i want to be with. Maybe not for forever but for pretty damn close. I wanna experience life with him. I want it all. But then i snap back to reality. And my head is telling me to live in the moment cuz who knows how long the moments gonna last. But i don't wanna not be with him. I can't imagine myself being with any other man. I can't fathom someone else making me feel the way he makes me feel.

And he's also not a loser, like most girls date & end up leaving. He doesn't come with a track record, or drama, or lame friends, and he's not a player, and he appreciates me. He doesn't talk down to me, or ask anything of me other than give him some love back. I can appreciate that. He is truly the epitome of what i've ever wanted. I can't imagine him doing anything to ever hurt me and i'm afraid that he's so perfectly unperfect that i mite mess something up. that has to be my greatest fear, to hurt the person that i love over something stupid. or idk. But i would never wish to ruin or mess up anything that we have. I Cherish it greatly. I value every minute we spend together and i'm overcome with sadness and loneliness when he's gone.

I'm internally conflicted with the fact that as much as i want to say this is just some puppy love and everyone has a first love, and i'm gonna love someone else again and feel just as great, and heartache & growing up and blah blah blahhh, but at the same time, I DON't CARE. i want him. i wanna be with him. i don't ever want to lose him. Ever. I don't wanna love anyone else the way i love him. (and i suppose in a sense i won't but u catch my drift..) I want it to be me and him. And it's not like there aren't high school sweethearts, who actually stay together for like years and years and years and forever. lol

I don't freakin know. i guess i'm just gonna have to let things happen and see...


C`est la vie,
Joselyn