It's been awhile, so lets V E N T ..

Alrite, its been like, uhhh, 2 months and change since my last blog? that means i've got 2 months and change of BULLSHIT to blog about!

Buenooo, let's start with, i've lost someone that used to be very close to me. Not in death, just in being. Like it's crazy that it happened, and i still can't believe it. Something i never thought would happen, and here i am. In life though, some things are for the best i suppose. I just thought that since we're growing up, we'd mature, no? Like how are you gonna come at me with little kid shit? I'm sorry that having a boyfriend means i can't devote every hour of my day to you. I'm sorry you're job doesn't let us hang out. I'm sorry that you feel neglected when i've done nothing but try my best to make it work. And by no means am i trying to play victim. Ohhhhh Nooo, i refuse. I'm just pissed that it's all blamed on him. Because in all honesty he isn't the reason. This was bound to happen wether he was there or not. Ever since senior year started and things were different then they were last year. This was just the straw that broke the camels back. And sadly, as sad as i am to see it go, i'm not gonna bitch and whine about it. I'm not gonna punk out and apologize for things i had no control over. And for the record, anything that happens, is between me and her. No outside sources, no other shit. Our issues are our issues and we alone have to chose to either fix or leave them be. At this moment, i rather let them be. The situation is still fresh and if we aggitate it more, we're gonna end on bad terms. Well, worse i suppose. Like WDF?! how do you go from talking to someone everyday to not talking to them at all? Like can she not understand how much it hurts to not have her there anymore? The other day something hilarious happened that i wish i could tell her because she's the only person who would have found it funny. Because she knows me. Because we've been through enough bullshit and drama and boys and drama and bullshit. Because i love her like a sister. And seriously, its like my sister went away to another country; But i still see her everyday. We just choose not to associate. WDF?! I hate to admit it, but i do miss her. As much as she was a pain in my ass sometimes, she knows me the best. I ask her things about me because i forget. We've had countless adventures. Fun ass times. There's so many things i can't talk to anyone else about because they don't know. Getting a new bestfriend is hard. Can i have mine back? I suppose not...


But anyways, On a lighter note... I think it's safe to say...

Im in L O V E. Yes, the cheezy, cute, young type love. And trust me on this, i'm a realist, and i disgust myself because i've become the epitome of what i hated. Ughh. I never belived in love or all that bullshit. Guys are all the same right? WRONG. and that's not a biased opinion ; Honestly. I've found someone who never ceases to amaze me (in the good way) and just makes me feel amazing. I've never had someone show me so much affection and love and care. And it's GENUINE. He asks for nothing. Just for me to simply be there. And maybe sometimes show him a little love back. (but only sometimes ; ) Someone who whenever i need something, i can call. Someone who goes out of his way to please me. (stop thinking dirty!) Now here comes the corniest/cheeeziest part of it all; you know how you read or hear about that when you find "the one" or some bullshit or other, that you know because of the first kiss ; there's a 'spark' or like fireworks. And you're tummy does a little flip. And you melt inside because you know. That maybe not forever, but for right now, this is where you're supposed to be. With this one person. Enveloped in their arms. And maybe just maybe, for that second, it's the perfect moment. And you wanna live it over and over again. But then you realize you can, because this amazing person in front of you, isn't going anywhere. At least not any time soon.. I used to believe that was BULLLLSHIITTTTTT. Something made up by like Hollywood or something to idolize love when it was just crap. Well... Guess WHAT?! .....I FELT THE SPARK! ughh! It made me mad because not only was i proved wrong, but then i felt all cheezy and whatnot because i did. And truly and honestly, ever since that moment, i can't get enough of him. We see eachother every damn day and i still miss his ass when he leaves. Like earlier today, we were laying on my bed, watching Diary of a Mad Black Woman, and he was tired and sore from practice so he was napping (and i tried to too, but the movie was distracting me) and i just looked at him and thought, Wow, i really am lucky.. (*gag* lmao) i know, i know, I hate sounding corny and cliche, but what the hell, its true! Well anyways, point is, after he left for practice, i missed him. Ridiculously. And i couldn't understand why. This person who i haven't even known for that long has captivated me. Brought me to a place i never dreamed i would be. He awakened apart of me i never knew existed. I never thought i could care so much for someone else. It's refreshing. I can't begin to explain how he makes me feel. But that's maybe some other time..



C`est la vie
Joselyn<3